Dear Diary...
recounting a combative conversation about Seinfeld
4/17/2025
Dear Diary,
I want to write out my bizarre experience getting into a fight at work with you. It wasn’t a true fight, we didn’t meet up in the parking lot and duke it out, but it was definitely a highly visible verbal altercation at a colleague’s going away luncheon.
Here’s the story
A common conversation topic in my town is the slate of performers coming through locally. We’re in an awkward location. We’re just far enough from the city to be inconvenient for big city-level performers to come here, but waaaaaay too rural for smaller artists to find their way through this place. Every once and a while, though, we get someone surprising to come through, usually comedians. This week’s inspiring conversation revolved around one Jerry Seinfeld.
There were three people involved in this conversation: the employee being celebrated, M; A truly random guy who just showed up, J; and myself. For some context, J is an older adult man (40s) and M and I are 24 and 25, respectively. J takes things very seriously.
We asked J if he would be taking his in-laws to see Jerry Seinfeld and he said no, but he liked Seinfeld. M chimed in that she had never seen the show before. I’ve only seen it because my dad stanned it so hard he owned Seinfeld Scene-It.
J told M that she could try to watch it, but she likely wouldn’t get it. I had to counter that point. M is my friend, and I think it is generally a toxic and mean thing to imply that someone doesn’t have the cultural competence to understand the comedy of Seinfeld. I told J she would definitely get it, she just wouldn’t like it. After that, I followed up with a critical error. I said:
“Seinfeld is kind of like How I Met Your Mother… men like it.”
J was infuriated. “Seinfeld was the most popular show among women for a while!” he said to me, raising his voice. Witnesses would later describe his tone to me as “combative,” and “aggressive.”
“Both things can be true, J. All I said is that men like the show Seinfeld.”
He was clearly agitated, but he is too predictable. I knew immediately that his endgame in this aggressive conversation was that I was wrong and he was right. I mulled over explaining my statement, commenting on the male-centric stories, women characters that aren’t as 3D as they could be, and the prevalence of problems that could have been solved by a conversation. I did not choose this tactic.
In order to push his buttons more, I stopped at the statement and made him take it at face value. Yeah, men like Seinfeld. That is all I said and that is all I meant. Simple as.
This was unacceptable to him, I had to be wrong. He had to outsmart me; he had to win our game of 4D chess. He tried to tell me it was an incomplete comparison and couldn’t be accurate without the other half. He posited that I was incorrect in saying that men like Seinfeld because I didn’t qualify or scale it with a measure of women’s enjoyment of Seinfeld.
“I’m not comparing anyone, I’m just saying that in my experience a lot of men like Seinfeld.” I told him calmly, quietly. At this point, people were leaving the luncheon, mostly because it was wrapping up, but I’m sure people in there were uncomfortable listening to this conversation too. “It’s like saying that Americans like K-Pop. That’s true.”
“It is not true! Americans like K-Pop less than Koreans, it’s another inaccurate and incomplete comparison!” he was physically upset at this point. I was drunk with the power of winning the argument with J. We were the last two drunks at the bar during last call, and the party was over as soon as our fight was.
I could have kept pressing his buttons, but I skedaddled since I had work to do.
Reflections
When I get into intense interpersonal scuffles like this, I think it is important to reflect on it to make sure I did the right things. Here are my reflections from this Seinfeld fight:
I am right. It is not inaccurate to say that men like Seinfeld. It is always fine and okay to generalize about men, especially related to mass-media consumption patterns.
I don’t think I bullied him. While it troubles me upon reflection that I made him upset on purpose to bring me joy, I’m not certain that I am the clear a**hole in this situation. He holds power over me in a work-hierarchy dynamic, and I didn’t make him deal with more than he’s ever dished out to anyone in one sitting.
Strategy is Simple. When arguing with smart men (or men who only think they’re smart), I usually take one of two strategies: be as simple as possible to keep any real arguments out of scope or accuse the counter-arguer of oversimplifying a complex topic. I think I’m smart enough to argue back, but if it isn’t a good faith debate why would I even bother?
It’s all in good fun. Luckily, no one’s feelings got hurt. It was just a bizarre little interaction. J and I are both capable of taking equal amounts of crap as we give out.
I made it about me. My only regret about the altercation was that it was at M’s going away luncheon. It was so Leo sun and Leo rising of me to do this so loud, but I’ve been the victim of a random party attendee doing something that makes everyone leave, so I know it is annoying.
Do you agree with my reflections? Do you have any other questions or suggestions for my reflecting? let me know in the comments!
About Quintessential
Quintessential is a collection of personal writings about how I am managing to live my life authentically as myself. You may be interested in this publication if you:
Are a young woman trying to make it in this world;
Enjoy niche topics;
Care about your communities around you;
Don’t take life too seriously; and
Want to know what makes me, me!
I agree with your closing thoughts, you largely didn’t do anything wrong. Him getting combative over a topic like “A lot of men like Seinfeld” is super silly