Have you ever been ashamed to double text someone? Have you ever crossed the line into downright psychopathy and triple texted?
I beg you to consider the following question: who cares?
What is double texting?
The google AI tells us that double texting is when you send follow-up texts to someone when you haven’t yet gotten a reply to your last point. To me, the definition of double texting goes further than just that. As someone who does not text in paragraph style but rather writes a new text for each independent thought or sentence, I would further define it by whether or not it meets one of these two criteria:
The text follows up on a conversation that your conversation partner has previously stopped responding to and has obviously clocked out of; or
The text starts a new conversation after a previous conversation of which your conversation partner has abandoned.
Based on this definition, there are several scenarios in which double texting is not only fine but encouraged. The following article will outline the scenarios and reasonings for when I personally believe it is OK to text people endlessly.
Family
Family members are the most obvious subjects for double texting. From my grandparents who genuinely do not know how to use technology, to my parents with no grasp of digital etiquette, to the cousins who call me the weird cousin behind my back, all the way to the iPad baby nieces who don’t know English very well yet, who in my family texts me back besides my sister?
But they’re my family, so I will text them whenever I have something to say to them. If I don’t get a response, depending on the subject matter, I will call. But until the day someone tells me I’m no longer one of them, I will never be embarrassed to double text those jokers.
Friends
It is my personal belief that having the humility to double text your friends is a key to maintaining friendships as a Gen Z in this society. When everything is telling us “if they wanted to, they would,” and “you don’t owe anyone anything,” it is obvious why we are the loneliest generation. Sometimes I want to and then forget. I actually think we all have a social responsibility and owe each other the chance for connection.
If we are established friends, I won’t give up on you. If it’s been a while, sometimes something as small as a “Hey, I’ve been thinking about you. Hope all is well!” will suffice. I won’t BS you with a “let’s get brunch and catch up:)” if I know it won’t happen, but I want you to know that I didn’t forget you somewhere along the way.
I also believe it is right to assume the best about your friends. She’s not ghosting me, she doesn’t hate me, she’s going through something, maybe she doesn’t have the friend capacity right now. That’s okay, I’ll wait for her on the other side of the era she’s going through. Maybe she’ll outgrow me, maybe we’ll never talk again, but we are friends and until I hear that we are not I will always be available.
That is why I am not embarrassed to double text or put out a bid for connection with my friends.
Facebook Marketplace People, Work People, and the Like
In a conversational dynamic in which you are relying on someone to collaborate to complete tasks or transactions, it is always okay to double text. For these people, and I know as an experienced perpetrator, ignoring you is the perfect strategy to avoid the responsibility of following through.
Demand accountability from these people, double text without remorse.
People Who are Definitely Ghosting You
Sometimes people actually are ghosting you. It is a classic from dating app people, but sometimes your friends or family can fall into this category if something happens. These two scenarios should be treated a little differently but ultimately are both worthy of a double text to me.
For my dating app ghosters, my philosophy was doble text assuming best intentions (they’re busy!), but on that triple text just call them a coward. It is such a simple, aristocratic, and rare insult that it usually elicits a response. “Coward” works better than getting angry, writing a novel about your feelings, or using all of the crass words you can think of. Less is more. Don’t feel embarrassed triple texting the dating app people. All you wanted was connection, you don’t truly know them, and they’re probably not connected to your social circle anyways. So, who cares?
For my friends who fell off, I would spend my double text demanding closure. Let me know if it was something specific I did, and whether or not there is any chance to make up in the future. Once you’ve asked for that, you’ve done what you can. Just be sure that when you cash in that double text, you’re prepared for a response that may upset you or the fact that you will likely never hear from them again. It’s not embarrassing to ask, but it is embarrassing to disrespect what they tell you (or don’t tell you) outright.
People who Blocked You
When they block you, your texts get lost in the ether. Texting your truth to these people is the equivalent of talking to the moon. They can’t hear you. So, Who! Cares!
Caveats to Adopting My Philosophy
I won’t lie to you and say that I am a universally beloved character in my life. I live with a type of radical authenticity and a mild aversion to social norms that make for some… interesting philosophies on issues like this. My Leo Sun and Rising (also Mercury if anyone cares), Capricorn Moon, and Virgo Venus really fill me up with a data-backed and unshakably confident approach to my relationships that not everyone would choose to match.
The biggest thing I want to alert you to is when it is DEFINITELY NOT okay to double text:
People who have hurt you or been hurt by you
Get a diary, talk to your therapist, reflect under the moonlight. Do not reengage a scenario that will hurt someone’s feelings. Even if you are inclined to apologize excessively for something you have done, ask yourself if you’re better off leaving them to find peace on their own. Sometimes you have to deal with the fact that a relationship will never be healed.
People you are getting to know
Take the time and give the space to really learn about your new conversation partner. Overwhelming someone with your bold and charismatic text style isn’t the best way to create a new foundation. To me, it is my digital version of being shy until you get to know me. It is one thing to be confident and authentic in your communication style, but it is another thing to forego considering how your conversation partner feels comfortable communicating too.
It is perfectly acceptable to have a unique communication style and to feel more aligned with the social norms set forth by Gen Z at large. So long as you are being authentically yourself and practicing awareness of how your conversation partners feel, there really isn’t a wrong way to text. You should never be embarrassed by sending that double, triple, or quadruple text.
In 2025 we are all craving a little more connection, so continue to ask yourself “who cares?” when you can’t decide on hitting send.
Do you disagree with this philosophy? Will you try double texting today? Let me know in the comments!
About Quintessential
Quintessential is a collection of personal writings about how I am managing to live my life authentically as myself. You may be interested in this publication if you:
Are a young woman trying to make it in this world;
Enjoy niche topics;
Care about your communities around you;
Don’t take life too seriously; and
Want to know what makes me, me!
as a chronic double texter, this is great! recently been going through troubles with friends and the ghosting section really hit home for me. great read!
hey perfectly said and a splendid reframing of these communications tools! "who cares?" is something everyone could do well to apply to the (largely arbitrary) rules that make you fearful, afraid to connect with others