In my most recent post, Life After Being Cancelled, I talked about how my engagement with the Star Wars fandom resulted in my downfall after an incident regarding a personal headcanon about the clone troopers. While it was a story I wanted to share and a piece I thoroughly enjoyed writing, something nearly held me back from hitting post. I was embarrassed about how into Star Wars I was, and still am.
But for me, 25 has been the year of realizing that the weird things are actually what make me cool and unique.
I Have Outdated and Incorrect Views on Coolness
I was always a little weird growing up. I did everything in my power not to be TOO weird, since I recognized who the geeks, nerds, and dorks were, and I thought I was too good to align with them socially even if our interests overlapped. But no matter what I did, I couldn’t erase my niche hobbies and interests that kept me out of touch from the cool kids, so I was doomed to a life in the middle. Just a weird kid.
I remember one time specifically when I thought I had it all figured out. On an international school trip several years ago, a blip of fate separated me from my group of friends for one dinner and sat me alone at a table with some of the coolest and most popular girls in school. I distinctly remember them talking about nothing. They compared their Kendra Scott birthstone necklaces, they complimented each other’s outfits, they gossiped about some of the boys back home, and I was bored. I thought that if being cool meant being like that, maybe I wasn’t cut out for it.
The next year, one of my close friends ditched our prom group without any warning after she had been given the opportunity to join that same group instead. This move really instilled my most incorrect belief systems to date: the status of being cool is more important than the quality of being yourself.
Of Course, Hindsight is 20/20.
In my ripe old age of 25, it is pretty clear that the person willing to reduce their friends to fake clout chasers at the flip of a switch was maybe just not the person you want to spend time with. No matter how boring those other girls were, I never noticed them in much drama, and they stayed friends through the long haul. Since I didn’t learn to look inward until much later in life, I missed the opportunity for early intervention in these ideas around coolness and authenticity, and I am now forced to actively unlearn my pursuit of social status and learn to feel proud of what actually makes me cool.
So, in celebration of my successful Star Wars post and also just being a generally weird gal, I will now mass reveal all of my favorite things that I would typically keep inside, and for the first time I will align myself with all the other weirdos who like this stuff too.
“Uncool” Things I Love
Star Wars
Since you’re all familiar with the time I flew too close to the two suns and got cancelled by a bunch of Star Wars stans, I’ve had to be more low-key about my time in the fandom space. I’ve played every video game, watched every show and movie, got sucked into the SWTOR MMO world for approximately two years and made some internet friends, bought a sick costume that I wear when I do chores sometimes (never been seen outside the house before), read some of the books, and I even went to Disneyland on May the 4th.
There is absolutely nothing wrong with liking Star Wars, but when a normal person pictures a Star Wars fan, I try not to fit that stereotype of toxicity. I can draw a line, I can be different, I can be a casual stan.
KATSEYE/KPOP
Randomly watching Pop Star Academy: Katseye on Netflix one day was a complete personality reset. Getting to know the KPOP principles and process through the westernized lens of HYBE America was exactly the gateway drug I needed to spark an interest in KPOP. I’m still admittedly a KPOP newb, but a few months ago I downloaded Weverse (since deleted from my phone) and it fully changed the DNA of my algorithm. Now, no matter what I do, all social media sites recognize that I am a KPOP enjoyer in some capacity and they send me frequent updates. Since discovering Katseye, I’ve done many a choreography challenge and sang in the shower.
Pop Star Academy: Katseye on Netflix What makes KPOP so interesting to be a fan of, is that the fandom is built different. In my experience, when I stan the girls from KATSEYE, I’m not necessarily stanning them because they’re good (I’m sorry but have you heard Gnarly…), I’m stanning them because I feel connected to them after understanding how hard they worked and what they went through to make it to the group. Watching their content and buying their albums feels like I get to reward them for their hard work, and that I am encouraging them as individuals to continue to pursue their dreams.
…Musical Theater
I might still deny this if you ask me in person, but I do love musical theater. I did it a lot in high school. I even started college as a musical theater major. I like shows with serious skews, some real heartbreaking dramas. I’m not convinced that there isn’t a causal relationship between being in high school theater and a chemical dependence on SSRIs in adulthood, but that is a theory I’m still working on. Stream Next to Normal on PBS by July 1st and picture an 11-year-old version of me crying in my bedroom as if I’, also going through the grief of losing a child and being addicted to drugs.
Minions
Minion haters are NOT welcome here at Quintessential. They’re cute, they’re funny, they’re multilingual, they’re feminist, they’re short kings…
When I’m struggling to get a good selfie, I always try one in minion I can tell each of the minions apart, I have headcanons about their history and lore, I’ve worked in the minions reddit community to transcribe and translate the minion language and vernacular, I’ve dreamed about having minions, I’ve had many tough nights pondering if the minions will ever truly be happy with Gru now that he is good. I love you minions!!!!
Local Government
This is no surprise to anyone who knows me but I stan local government. I’ve written so many posts about why I love local gov. Check them out!
Working In Local Government Is Like Living in a Reality Show
Local Government, Space Exploration, The Bachelor, and Other Things on My Vision Board
Pimple Popping
I think I’m the only person in the world who hates to have clear skin all the time. Pimple popping videos are great, but there is nothing like popping a zit on your own body. My all-time favorite spot to pop a pimple is inside my ear. It has the perfect crunch. But alas, I never get zits because I stan Katseye. Stan Katseye for clear skin!!!!!!
Flossing
Flossing literally feels like a witchcraft ritual to me. When I stand at my bathroom mirror to floss each night I go for about 10 minutes. Getting debris and weird stuff I can’t comprehend out of my gums is the perfect expulsion of toxins needed to end the day. I am a user of floss picks. Sometimes I eat popcorn just so I can have an epic floss. I feel like people don’t enjoy it the way I do.
Axolotls
A freak pink guy that smiles and never finished evolving. It only lives naturally in one random freshwater lake in the Mexican mountains. So rare and random that it almost feels like it was created for me to admire.
Crystals/The Metaphysical
I dabble in all things metaphysical: tarot, palmistry, oracle cards, crystals, etc. I’m not sure I can go so far as to say I truly believe in it, but I don’t think that matters. The utility of the metaphysical, to me, lies in the randomness and guidance it brings to your thoughts. The interpretation of randomness is a personal journey. I use these tools to stay flexible, moving my self-view around to match different contexts presented to me, and deciding what I think vibes and what I think does not.
I also cursed some people at work and I think it was effective. So, maybe I have a gift. Much to be determined.
Am I Cool Now?
Now that I’ve exposed some of my more secretive and embarrassing interests and hobbies, maybe readers will find me easier to connect with. The longer I write, the more frequently I’ll be forced to draw from my inside thoughts to paint a real picture of who I am.
Did you learn something new about me today? Am I more or less cringe today than I was yesterday? Do you want to hang out and nerd out about something together? Leave a note in the comments!
About Quintessential
Thank you so much for reading! Quintessential is a collection of personal writings about how I am managing to live my life authentically as myself. You may be interested in this publication if you:
Are a young woman trying to make it in this world;
Enjoy niche topics;
Care about your communities around you;
Don’t take life too seriously; and
Want to know what makes me, me!