Fall is unarguably the best time of the year for eating soup. No living persone should be able to take the peaceful coziness of a fall soup night away from you.
Imagine my surprise when someone told me that a friend of mine may not want to go to the young professional networking group’s fall soup night because of a sinister energy. It is possible that this energy will not manifest, so in an effort to convince my friend that they will be safe at soup night, I am publishing a list of soup themed insults that I came up with my gang to challenge this entity to a fight, dance, or rap battle should they sour the warm oasis of soup night. A special shoutout to my gang: Cory, Helene, and Nicole for helping me spit burns warmer than the soup on the stove.
Let’s Stir the Pot
I’m stocky and we got beef
It’s soup night and i’m eating gazpacho because I’m ice cold
We came for the chowder, not for you to crowd her
She’s not your bay, leaf her alone
Not today, bisque
You’ll roux the day you fucked with her
Make like a pea and SPLIT
Get off these grounds or this beef will get spicy
Oh broth-er this guy stinks! (SpongeBob voice)
I wanted soup with crusty bread, not you crusty head
Are you a light dusting of Parmesan? Because you’re grating on me
Butternut squash your dam beef
What did you think this was? An Italian wedding?
No soup for you!
Pho-ck you
Do not enter: you run the whisk of being beaten like an egg and creamed like a mushroom
You’re barley allowed here
Whortilla soup
We’re eating chili and you’re keeping us from chilling
You’re a chicken and messed up in the noodle
Udon know us
You’re still simmering on your bae leafing you
Someone call Maryland because you’re old, bae
I’ll make you a bow of Italian dreading soup
Minestrone, your mom should have taken mifepristone
You shoulda let that egg drop
You’re not hot just sour
You look like a goul about to get lashed
Ramen? Nah you shouldn’t have let that man raw you
We don’t carrot all about you
We barley think of you
Nobody’s chopping onions why are you crying
Thyme to move on girlfriend
Just because you were bone-in you thought you could stock her?
Are you a basic life form? What’s with this cry-more-deal soup
Dip before i artichoke you
To my friend, if you’re reading this…
Sorry if this is too specific. I just really want to go to soup night with you. If my sick burns don’t work on the negative spirit, here’s what my roundhouse kick is looking like these days:
I’m just kidding, obviously.
Anyways, please come to soup night <3
xoxo Quinn