The Trials, Tribulations, and Triumphs of Throwing a House Party as a House Owner
The Most Adult Thing I've Ever Done
The biggest change 2025 has brought to my life is that I bought a house. I officially moved in on January 2nd and was immediately welcomed home by 14 inches of snow locking me inside for a few days. 3 months later, I was finally ready to debut my house to my friends and family. That’s right, I threw a house party!
This Substack piece is going to cover all of the dimensions I encountered while attempting to get it together in time for the party date I chose way too far in advance. I’ll cover what I prepared, how I prepared, how it went while it was going on, and my lessons learned as an aspiring beloved friend and host in my new home.
The Plan
The party plan was simple. One day, two parties, everyone I know and love.
Party day was divided into two key sections: the family hour and the rager.
The family hour was to be an early afternoon short gathering of just a few family members. Parents, grandparents, sister, one aunt, and one cousin were to join me for a short afternoon “hello” at 2p.m. for games, coffee, and some light refreshments. The purpose of this was to keep my family members separated from my friends, and to check the box of getting the most important family members over to see the house while it looked clean for once.
After they all scooted out to make the hour-long drive home so shortly after arriving, I’d have some time to set up the pivot to the rager. I would reorganize the houseto reveal a secret stash of alcohol and pick up some catered dinner for all of my besties.
That evening it was my intention to curate a vibe so loud and rowdy with drinking games in the backyard and the expectation that anyone who came in from more than 30 minutes away would be able to crash at my place. I’d provide all the food and drinks because I would find a way to boldly ask for gifts from everyone who attended.
My plan was perfect and it was going to go great, no hiccups or anything! Just kidding, you’ll soon see that the plan didn’t quite work out this way.
How I Prepared
The Family Hour
While I invited all of my aunts and uncles and all 9 cousins and their families, only one aunt and one cousin were brave enough to join me and my immediate family members for the family housewarming party. Because of the low turnout (9 out of 28 something invites), I admittedly put very little thought into the family party. They can’t judge me if I do a bad job hosting, right?
I decided I would just grab a tiny bit of stuff for it the morning of. Maybe a veggie tray or something? when I was preparing I was not worried about whatever was going to happen in the family 2 hours. All of my prep thoughts revolved around the rager instead.
The Rager
The rager portion of the night had a completely different set of circumstances from the family hour. The rule of thumb that I follow when sending out invitations is that 1/3rd of the invitees will not be able to attend, so I always account for that and invite a few people over my maximum expected capacity. For the first time ever, though, no one declined my invitation. I couldn’t uninvite anyone, but I was forced into pure business mode to pivot the rager into something more manageable for the biggest party I have every thrown.
In a vape-based pondering session one night, I anxiously thought about how I could fit 26 people into my home, and how to still curate the experience I was going for. I took that time to analytically plan and organize for the event. Here are the topics I covered:
inventory of seating - I have only 23 places to sit total.
activity and room breakout - Jackbox games in my office, sports game on in the living room, board games in the basement, drinking games in the backyard (it ended up being rainy), witchcraft in the sunroom.
reconsidering food options - with 25 projected guests, catering would be out of the picture. I moved the start time from 6 to 7:30, and created a snack-based menu.
supply inventory - I inventoried the party supplies I had, matched serving trays to menu items, and created my shopping list.
store identification - I created a list of the stores that I would go to to acquire the items on my shopping list. Missouri Costco for cheap drinks (cursed KS liquor laws), the special liquor store that carries my favorite Soju flavors, the local Sam’s club for supplies. I also scheduled the dates and times of my projected shopping trips.
vibe checking my guests - I invited guests from all of my different social circles, so I identified pairs of people to introduce to make people feel more comfortable mixing and mingling. I also identified “vibe heroes” (my friends who are always fun) and “potential vibe detractors” (my friends who struggle in large social gatherings” and coached my vibe heroes on how to intervene in potential vibe emergencies.
reflecting on my friends’ quirks - I don’t mind that my friends aren’t perfect, but I’m beyond grateful that they’re consistent. I noted each guest some of the small things I knew I could count on from them: who will arrive early, who will arrive late, who will likely cancel on the day of, who will enjoy the sweet vs savory snacks, etc.
invitation, trip ideas, and gift guide - I never throw a party without making an adorable invite on Canva, but I stepped it up this time. I preemptively beat the “Topeka is boring” allegations by creating an itinerary of my favorite Topeka spots and activities so out-of-town guests could maximize their trip, and I created a gift guide to make sure no one wilded out and showed up empty handed or with a total flop gift.
assembling a council of girlies - After all of this, I gathered a small group of two friends, both designated vibe heroes, and talked them through my plans and concerns asking for feedback and assurance that things would be okay.
While it seems excessive, taking a night to consider each of these layers helped me to feel calm and secure when I might otherwise feel out of control in the planning process. I only invited the people that I genuinely wanted to celebrate with and wasn’t afraid of judgement from, so maybe I didn’t do all of this out of anxiety but instead as a people pleasing thing.
Party Day Experience
This section is going to be pretty detailed - I didn’t take many pictures on party day so this is going to be a narrative retelling of my time hosting so that I have a little more than just my memory to relive the experience. Feel free to skip to my reflections.
The day had a good start. The first thing I did in the morning was run to the store at 8 a.m. to grab a veggie tray, some cheese and crackers, cold brew, odds and ends I forgot in my regular prep, and breakfast for my guests who had stayed the night before. After breakfast, my guests were scheduled to go to the local zoo and I’d put the finishing touches on cleaning the house and setting up for the afternoon family hour.
Family hour set up was easy. I placed my cheese and fruit on their serving tray with some crackers, poured my store-bought cold brew into a pitcher so I could pretend I long brewed it myself and placed it on a cute tray with my REAL cups (not plastic!!) and some coffee syrups, and I just left the veggie tray in its store container. My mom brought some jalapeno roll ups on a serving tray when she arrived.
Family hour itself was easy and lovely. I gave some house tours, talked with the few family members who showed up, solicited backyard ideas from everyone, played some good cards, and debuted my boyfriend to the extended family members that showed up. It was truly pleasant and I let my family stay until 5 p.m. because we were having so much fun.
In the intermediary time between the two parties, things were also pretty chill. My boyfriend helped me set up the alcohol stash and start the crockpots and load the dishwasher as we turned over the party. We went from my nice dishware and serving platters to paper plates and solo cups, and switched the nice veggies and fruit to gummy worms and chips.
During the transition, my usual suspects did exactly what I foresaw - who cancelled on short notice, who volunteered to help set up, who sent the “on my way!” text at a suspiciously early time. I also got some surprise last minute RSVPs that perfectly evened out with the last-minute cancels.
The first guests arrived at 7, a predictable 30 minutes before the party began and I forced them to help me labor for the final pieces of setup. I gave tours to the early arrivers as they trickled in, instructed them on how to help me get everything ready for 7:30, and kicked off the night with some drinking.
By “some drinking,” I mean I started pretty strong. Like about 4 shots of Pink Whitney right out of the gate. I’ve mentioned in a previous post that I love to host parties and then drink too much at them, and I stand by that. As the party host, I should be reaping the rewards of my preparation, cherishing my time with the people who came all this way to celebrate with me, and doing the most because I don’t have to drive home since I am home. Drinking a little too much at my own parties it what allows me to escape the analysis mode to be present in the moment with my people.
Yard games were cancelled since the weather made my backyard uninhabitable, but we had all the space we needed inside. My playlist was a hit, people liked the food, I read fortunes, I bounced around between the groups, and I had a great time.
Reflections
Party day was the first day I sat down and realized what an accomplishment it really is to own a house. I felt a new air in my party as it was somewhat of a step towards a more adult Quinn. I had the joy of throwing a house party as a homeowner. My days of apartment gatherings are over, and I can officially revel in the ownership of my space. Here are some of the sentimental thoughts I had in the moment, and reflections from after the fact:
i’m a big fan of my people
I don’t live very far from where most of my friends are located, but I also don’t live very close. Most people drove between 30 minutes to an hour to be able to attend. It was really unexpected that so many people would come so far out of their way to celebrate this moment with me, and I’m extremely grateful for them. My friends who came locally also all went an extra mile and offered to help out with the party prep while watching me mull over everything that needed to be done. The vibes were great, but the people were better. I love my friends!!!
my friends don’t rage and i don’t want to either
The rager vibe didn’t exactly work out, but I have no beef with that. I’m willing to accept that my friends are all sophisticated adults who don’t need drinks to bring the party. It’s not that I’m incapable of curating a lit vibe, it’s just that it’s not the right vibe for my people. I’m not an undergrad in New Orleans anymore, I’m a homeowning adult in Topeka. I want to embrace this chapter of my life!
it is the host’s job to facilitate mixing and mingling
One of my small regrets from the party (no big ones exist) is that I didn’t do enough to encourage my different social groups of friends to mix and mingle. It was my hope that drinking games could bring us together, or that I might be able to make an ice breaker bingo card, but neither of those ideas really panned out. I did find my premeditated friend matchmaking to be successful, though, so I’m interested in taking bigger steps next time I host large groups.
people pleasing is over
The most impactful piece of advice I got from my council of girlies that I consulted on my party plans was related to the party’s playlist. I’ve always been a little insecure about my music taste, but my cousin Marinne said to just make a playlist of what I personally wanted to hear and not try to find a premade Spotify playlist that I thought people would like. It turns out a curated collection of 2012 One Direction fangirl, 2010s indie, and 2020s girly pop are things everyone can get down to.
my house rules
Point blank period. My house is suspciously nice. It’s my base of operations, my stronghold, my strategy center, my home. I’m really happy to be here.
Does my hyperanalytical approach to party throwing surprise you? Do you want to hear more about homeownership? Do you have any good tips on curating a lit or chill vibe? Let me know in a comment!
About Quintessential
Quintessential is a collection of personal writings about how I am managing to live my life authentically as myself. You may be interested in this publication if you:
Are a young woman trying to make it in this world;
Enjoy niche topics;
Care about your communities around you;
Don’t take life too seriously; and
Want to know what makes me, me!
Taking notes for my future housewarming party. Also, vibe heroes is genius.